BIG MOUTHS, THE LUCK OF THE IRISH, AND OH SO SMALL BALLS.
Andrew Drummond
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Jan 20, 2014
News in this week from the resort of Pattaya on Thailand’s eastern seaboard is that Thailand’s most famous American, Drew Noyes, has secured deals with the local steroid King of Steroids.
Now, short of selling crack cocaine, the steroid market is one of the most lucrative in the world because in western countries steroids can usually only be obtained on subscription.
And thousands of men are desperate for these testosterone based products which give them big pecs, big biceps, and according to medical evidence oh so small balls – and if you’re a woman – a deep voice.
The local top man on the steroid block is Johnny from Northern Ireland. He is in his own little world importing powders from China and in a makeshift laboratory has a guy turning them into injectables. It does not appear to be illegal in Thailand to sell steroids over the counter because they are so easy to obtain in shops.
Pattaya’s most famous steroid tourist is New Zealander Tim Ward, also known as
Sharky, a self confessed sex tourist and former money lender (and enforcer) who apparently charges working girls a 500 baht fee for his protection services. (They supposedly call him if the punters do not pay up).
But it is certainly illegal to export them to countries like the United States, Britain etc., and import them without a licence.
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| Tim Ward ‘Sharky’ ‘They went thataway!’ |
Johnny’s predecessors in Pattaya were fellow Britons , Edwin Crawley, and Ashley Livingstone. In a joint operation between the United States DEA and the Narcotics Suppression Bureau, Crawley and Livingston, were arrested at the request of the USA – and extradited. But not before they had spent considerable time in a jail in Thailand. They were charged with the international trading of anabolic steroids and money laundering.
They had acquired a wealth of over US$600,000. Crawley did not live to enjoy his wealth. He died in 2011 shortly after he had been released from a Federal Prison, of complications arising out of pneumonia. Both had been sentenced to the equivalent of time served – just over two years.
They were incidentally held in Thailand pending extradition on charges of illegally importing the drugs from China and illegally dealing in them.
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| Edwin Crawley – Pattaya Daily News |
Of course had Crawley returned to Thailand (where he said he was tortured but probably not by the squeezing balls method) to recover his cash he would not have found anything left anyway.
Now balding overweight Johnny has had similar problems about what to do with his money. He has six vehicles apparently and as many houses. So when in doubt in Pattaya who do you turn to if you have not checked ‘Google’?
Yes none other than the city’s most re-assuring American Drew Walter Noyes and his One-Stop-Legal-Services-Center.
Now Mr. Noyes has taken a very tough line on drugs – almost to a hysterical level. He is outraged apparently that the Thonglor Clinic in Jomtien – that is the clinic he is accused of attempting to extort 7 million baht out of – has been using, he says, illegal drugs.
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‘I am protecting the citizens of Pattaya’ claimed Drew Noyes after his arrest with Wanrapa Boonsu for the
alleged extortion of the Pattaya clinic. They are currently on trial. |
This does not appear to be the case but it still makes a the lead spoof story on the website of the newspaper he founded the now defunct PattayaTimes, but Johnny’s literal skills I understand are not good. He used to be an understudy at Tony’s Gym in Pattaya – (short time rooms 250 baht self administered hand relief only)
Apparently an American also in the steroid business in Pattaya is laughing his socks off but I cannot confirm Johnny has actually signed on the dotted line yet. But just how secretive these guys are is demonstrated by this story.
Drew Noyes is not known for his discretion about client information. Every client or friend he has fallen out with he has ratted on…that includes a retired American pilot, a native American Indian, a Dutch children’s TV producer, a retired US publisher, a British heating system installer….
Johnny might be better off driving one of his cars to the U.S. Embassy, putting his hands up and handing over the cash for his flight to New York.
Meanwhile he has several websites out there on the net promoting his products under the names
MAXPRO or
Pharmamedstore which also offers Kamagra, Maxpropharma etc.
If his packages are seized by US Customs he promises an immediate new delivery at HALF PRICE!
Way to go Johnny, er, and Drew.
Johnny does not send his packages with a valid return address. However if anybody wishes to return the products from whence they came we can probably help.
Drew-Noyes-photoshop (Weapon)
Advice for Johnny please!
Part of Pattaya City’s Attractions -Sharky’s advice below:
About the Author
Andrew Drummond
Andrew Drummond is a British independent journalist and occasional television documentary maker. He is a former Fleet Street, London, journalist having worked at the Evening Standard, Daily Mail, Mail on Sunday, News of the World, Observer and The Times.
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